Dedication was never something I was good at, and unsurprisingly I’ve broken the chain by week two. I spent the start of this week being mopey, and therefore not “doing stuff”. Frankly, for the first 21 years of my life, I experienced very little rejection. I get things that I want, almost all the time. This past month however, has felt like a final destination movie, where rejection realises what I’ve been getting away with. The idea that no one is jumping at the chance to hire me has been very difficult for me to come to terms with.
It’s wrong to say that my life is a mess, because a mess requires things. My life is more like a big, empty, white room and as much as people would like to tell you how exciting and freeing that is, it’s not. It’s empty, it’s not going anywhere and I don’t like it. I am contributing nothing to the world or anyone in it right now and it’s not a comfortable place to be. I just need someone to tell me, “THIS, this is what you do now” and honestly, regardless of what it was I would be happier than I am doing nothing.
Friday: I decided to get my head out of my ass and do what I always do in times of disorganised crisis, I made a calendar. Something about the sharpies, post-its and colour co-ordination soothes me.
Saturday: I finally applied for the masters program I’ve been talking about since last November. A back up plan that is fast becoming plan A. Provided I get it of course, something I really wouldn’t of considered up until a few weeks ago.
Sunday: I’ve been playing around with a couple of different online print services and I want to do a post on all of them during the week, for the time being I’ve settled on Redbubble, a link to which has been added to the side menu under “Shop”.