Normal is Coming

I have to go back to work on Monday…

Granted there will be no kids in sight until the 10th but reality is coming up fast. Or the Dubai equivalent of reality, whatever that is. I’ve been back a total of two days, the heat is unbearable, but I am determined to live up to promises made in my previous post.

I don’t know how many times I’ve “gotten my life together”, I even give up trying to count the number of times I’ve posted about how I’m getting organised and this is is totally the time. But here I am again.

I’ve always really liked the “One day or day one” quote, but my day 1 usually gets as far as day 6 and fizzles out because I stop caring. I consistently start large scale projects and abandon them because I don’t hold myself accountable. I have no shortage of motivation, but I lack anything even resembling self-discipline. I don’t have anything different I’m doing this time, in fact I just edited charts and calendars I still had saved on my computer to line up with my new plans. Try and try again.

My new elaborate plans are three-fold:

    1. Financial – I make a lot of money. Apparently I also spend a lot of money. I’m not going to pretend that I’m going to stop spending, one of the deciding factors in taking this job was being able to own my first pair of Louboutins before I’m 25 (the plan is December), but I have set specific and reasonable savings goals so that I come home with something to show for my two years of dealing with little monsters.
  1. Fitness – I have wanted to gain weight for the past three years, for the past two I’ve been moving backwards. I essentially quit exercise in 2014, and lost any muscle I ever had. While using cookies and alcohol as a coping mechanism kept me in the high 40’s through my FYP, my masters year and in particular the stress of teaching has made me skinnier than I’m comfortable with. I need to start repeatedly lifting heavy things and for the first time in my life, paying attention to what I eat. I want to weigh 55kg in 12 months time, roughly 10kg heavier than I am right now.
  2. Career – I want to work in a freelance/consultant capacity. I want to work with fashion tech. I need to make these things happen.

These are all incorporated into a five and ten year plan, along with some personal life goals, with shorter term targets along the way. The first of which is a 90 day check in. From 1st September to 30th November I am making a concerted effort to as disciplined as possible.

I do think my continued faith in my self-discipline is quite a positive character trait. I am eternally optimistic.

More

Three posts in one year? Slow the fuck down.

It is August 2017 and despite only working about 30hrs a week (and only 10 months of the year) I have been greatly neglecting what I see as my best bet for stepping into freelance/self employment. That’s you, blog.

Teaching was never the dream. But I panicked at the idea of being unemployed after 23 years of parental-ly supported education and here I am. Long term employment was never the dream. My short attention span and issues with authority don’t mesh well with it. If I want to get out of it I need to build up a portfolio and a network to be in a position where I can support my self. The blog and social media are the most effective way of doing that. Even if it weren’t reaching any audience, writing has been very good for me mentally in the past two years, but lately, (read: since last November) every time I sit down, open that “add post” page and look at the little cursor blink, I’ve got nothing. I haven’t done anything remotely creative in almost a year and I can’t tell if it’s because I’m stressed or why I’m stressed.

I need a project.

A post shared by Unspirational (@unspirational) on

If you don’t follow Unspirational on Instagram you totally should. If you’ve got me on Instagram (you totally should too) you might have noticed it sort of came back to life recently. I’ve been travelling and honestly my favourite part of the trip has been photographing it. While not everybody would consider Instagram a good motivation for experiencing the world, I have really enjoyed the challenge of getting a great shot from every location and I like having my success measurable via likes. I am very slowly realizing how much I love photography and questioning why I don’t do more of it.

I’m back in NZ right now for the actual holiday part of my summer holidays and I intend on spending it relaxing, but as of September…

My Autumn semester is going to be one with a routine, a routine where I make more time for creative projects and less for bingeing TV series and feeling sorry for myself because my phenomenally well paid job is a little tough. This post is, as so many of mine are, a declaration that the future will be different. I want to do better with the second half of 2017. Take my photography more seriously. Design more. Make more. Build more. Paint more. Post more. DO MORE.

Money and holidays or no, I can’t stay in my current job for longer than another 18 months, I don’t want to. By next summer I want to be in a position where I can be working for myself, even if I don’t make the jump right away, I want it to be an option, so that’s my first 2018 resolution down.

I swear to God I mean it when I say,

Write soon,

Clodagh.