Clodagh Cares

I declared that I wanted a thesis idea decided by the end of week 6, the end of week 7 is close enough. I will be working in the area of (drum roll please) …social wearables. I’m still a bit tin-foil hatty about it to go into detail just yet, but it is the perfect combination of fashion and anti-social behaviour. It is me in gadget form. And I’m really freaking excited about it.

I knew my thesis project would have to be something I would be interested in researching, rather than something I’m interested in doing, like my FYP was. I love altering clothes, but I never wanted to read ISO standards on the topic. Social interactions are interesting to me because they generally have no basis in logic and make fuck all sense. I’ve spent 22 years trying to work out why people do anything and come up blank.

The necessity of a compelling topic is not only for my sanity (that PDT has left me with just a shadow of) but for the sake of my degree. A grade is never a good enough motivator, for me at least. It’s why I half-assed, not one, but two leaving certs and why my bachelors degree says 2nd class honours. In the frankest way possible, I am really fucking intelligent. I have standardised aptitude test results to back that up. I can attribute a certain amount of the failure to translate it to academic success to my temper and “attitude problems”. But the misunderstood genius bit will only get me
so far. When it comes to caring I am all or nothing. It’s why the world cup exit hit me so hard (way harder than I expected, I apologise for the sap I posted last week), I don’t care about much, but when I care, I really care. If I love what I’m doing I’ll stay up all night without even noticing. If I don’t love it, and I mean love it, I’ll probably spend the same amount of time on it, but I’ll feel every second and it shows in the work.

This got really heavy and personal for the second week in a row, I’m having a bit of an identity crisis right now. I’m usually very secure in who I am and what I believe, but lately I’ve felt a bit floaty. Maybe if I write enough about my personality now I can read and recapture it when I feel more grounded. I haven’t been angry and stressed in a really long time. Specsavers have informed me I need new glasses and that’s going to change my whole face. I was looking at frames and all the ones I liked were nothing like the hipster goggles I’ve been rocking since ’10. What if my decision to stop dying my hair wasn’t me being hipster? What if I’m unwittingly rebranding as the most boring person in the world? The blog’s going to get shit.

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